Dating Mistakes and Avoiding Them
Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you realize that very often we make the same dating mistakes over and over again? As outlined in my book"the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" sometimes these mistakes can result in losing the date of our dreams, or possibly being in a bad relationship. I have compiled a list of dating No-nos that can help you identify a possible problem that you could work on to improve your dating experience.
In regards to dating we all have a fear of rejection. This is human nature. So playing it cool and not getting too involved with other people makes us feel secure. Only problem with this is you might come off as being cold and aloof. For a lot of people this is really a turn-off. And you might get the date of your dreams slipping away. The best way to locate a loving relationship is to be real. People will be a lot more receptive to you if they think you're genuine.
Another game people play is the"manipulation" game. Doing things
Like telling someone you"love them" or you will"call them" only to have them sleep with you. Then after the deed is done they never hear from you again. This is one of the most cruel forms of exploitation and it has to be considered unacceptable in the dating world.
Understand that it's O.K. to be somewhat cautious. However, you still have to be brave and show the real you. Only then will you be able to have a trusting, loving relationship with the date of your dreams.
Moving to Quick:
Ladies this one is for you. All of us think about our future and the man of our dreams. Again, this is simply human. But, do you end up testing out his last name with yours and you have not even gone out on a third date yet? Well, if you do it is time to remind yourself to Slow Down. Here's why. Normally for the first 3-8 weeks of a relationship we're running on euphoria. You understand that"head over heels" or that"swept off your feet" type of feeling that comes with falling in love? Well, there's a genuine reason why this occurres. It is from a chemical in our body called oxytocin. Essentially, this compound takes over our mind and it interferes with our ability to think clearly. Therefore, until you have had time to get to know a person, and spend some time with him to see what he's really like, it is best to not get to far ahead of yourself. If your expectations become to high you may end up heading down the path of heartache, and losing the date of your dreams. Slow Down!
Are you talking about your ex?
Carrying old baggage to a new relationship could be catastrophic. Sure we have all had previous connections, and yes your new love will learn about them. Butif you're always whining about your ex, or constantly comparing your present love to your ex, it is going to get real old, real fast.
Rather, take some time to get to know this person. Give yourself the chance for a new beginning. Try to work out some previous issues before you begin a new connection. This way you won't let the old luggage to cloud your judgment and affect your activities with your new love. Constantly talking about your ex may have you losing the date of your dreams.
What are Red Flags? Well, here are a few, but there are a lot more. Someone you're scheduled to meet does not appear and does not have any reasonable explanation as to why. - Someone your involved with will not give you their home phone number. - He/she won't introduce you to family or friends. - He/she will not go out in public with you. - Being cruel to a pet. - Being disrespectful to a parent. Yes, all of them are Red Flags. And, Red Flags shouldn't be ignored.
While you shouldn't jump to conclusions about anyone unless you've got enough evidence that something possibly wrong. Should you feel there's a problem you'll have to confront this individual and request an explanation. If you don't get a suitable explanation and the situation continues to happen then you want to proceed. You don't need to waste your precious time on a relationship that's doomed to fail.
Are you a worrier? In that case, do not let it ruin your relationship with the date of your dreams. Lots of people would worry over a connection, even before it has an opportunity to actually get going. You'll worry over what he explained, or what your reply was to something said. You'll worry over whether the connection is moving to fast or to slow. Or whether the connection is working in any way. And, what will your friends think, your family think and so forth. You want to understand that this type of obsessive behaviour is a true relationship killer. Try to create some self-confidence and hope that the connection will work. And at a pace that's fantastic for both of you.
Do you need to learn every detail of a person's life, and try to get it from him on the first date? Well, you can not, not on the first or even the second date. If you come off as"The Interrogator" your new dream date will soon become tired of answering all of your questions and move on to somebody else. How many kids would you like ? Is not a fantastic starting line on a first date. Just relax, let things happen naturally through easy conversation. Soon you will know all there is to know about you new friend. So relax and have some fun with you new date.
What about your needs?
Would you like children, but, he/she doesn't? Did you inform him/her you want children or are you just going along with his/her notion of life? You need to be able to immediately communicate your wants. If you don't you'll spend your time in a relationship without having your needs met. You will need to be aware of what your needs are and what their needs are before starting a serious relationship. When speaking about your requirements be assertive. Not bossy, naggy or demanding. However, tactful and direct. And, if the two of you can't agree on fulfilling one another's needs, (what ever they maybe) then now is the time to reevaluate the relationship. In any relationship whether it be private or business the requirements of all parties involved have to be met.
Sacrificing too much:
Do you end up doing things to show someone you care that you'd never do other wise? Are you letting yourself be utilised as a"doormat"? Usually this kind of behavior is related to low self-esteem. Please realize that in any healthy relationship both parties have to be treated as equals. And both parties must have their needs fulfilled. If this sounds like you reevaluate your connection, and if your aren't happy get out. There's somebody out there who will love you for who you are, without you having to jump through hoops to prove it.